Fund the Heuristic Squelch

Stretch Goal: If we make it to $2000 by October 31, we'll produce and print an additional issue!

Help save the Heuristic Squelch by making a gift today! It may have a dumb name, but it’s a school institution, dating all the way back to 1991. That’s probably older than you are!

    And besides, it makes people laugh. That’s probably good, right? I bet you could find a study that said laughter was good for mental health or something. That sounds like a thing.

    Also, where else are aspiring comedy writers going to shove the jokes constantly spewing from their overloaded minds? After all, there aren't very many comedy publications that accept everyone, regardless of prior experience. What else can Berkeley students who secretly dream of someday creating some dumb sitcom do? They - and the campus as a whole - need a publication that allows real creative freedom. And of course, our jokes are always 100% appropriate and free of politics, and never contain even a hint of satire or sarcasm.

    We know print may seem like a dying medium, but there’s something to be said for holding a physical magazine in your own hands. I mean, just try throwing a website in the trash immediately after you’re handed it.

    Each magazine takes about 30 cents to print. Think about it! We’re basically handing out free quarters to everyone that walks by. So, if you just gave us $10 dollars, that’s like 30 magazines that you personally made possible! Please make a gift today.

    Just click that button. C’mon, you know you want to. SOCIETY wants you to fund something responsible and meaningful, like bringing clean drinking water to children in the third world or funding STEM programs for underprivileged kids. But you’re a rebel, AREN’T you? Yeah, YOU, the person reading this. You feel constrained, stifled. Constricted by conformity. You’ve always just gone through the routine of everyday life, but deep inside you know that you’re different. Unique. SPECIAL. For once, you want to be FREE, free from the rules, free from the straightjacket of misguided expectations. This is how you can do it. This is how you can prove you’re better than those blind, bland sheeple that surround you.

    So come on. Waste your money. Waste it. Waste it on dumb, dumb, stupid, terrible jokes. Just throw your money away. Stick it in a trash can. Light it on fire. Or, just give it to us. But for once in your life, do something with passion. With conviction. Do something REAL.

    It’s in your hands now.